Why Your Child Performs in Practice But Not in Games
- Stephanie Buckley
- 14 hours ago
- 2 min read
Written by: Leading Parenting Strategist | ADHD & Family lSystems Specialist
One of the most common frustrations parents express is this: “They do great in practice but when it’s game time, everything falls apart.”This is not a motivation problem. It is not laziness. It is not even a lack of skill. It's a nervous system problem.
In practice, the environment is controlled. There is predictability, repetition, and reduced pressure. The child’s brain is operating in what we call a regulated state, where the nervous system feels safe enough to access higher-level functioning. This allows the prefrontal cortex the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, focus, and execution to operate effectively.
Game day introduces a completely different set of variables: noise, unpredictability, social evaluation, and pressure. For some children, this activates the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for detecting threat. When the amygdala is activated, the brain shifts into a stress response often referred to as “fight, flight, or freeze.”
In that moment, the prefrontal cortex goes offline.
This is why a child who “knows exactly what to do” in practice suddenly looks like they forgot everything during a game. It is not a knowledge gap it is a state-dependent performance issue, meaning their ability to perform is dependent on the state of their nervous system.
For example, a child may execute drills flawlessly during practice but freeze when the crowd gets loud. Another may overthink every move, leading to hesitation and mistakes. Another may become impulsive, rushing plays without strategy.
The solution is not to push harder.
The solution is to teach regulation skills.
This includes:
Breathing techniques to calm the nervous system
Pre-game routines that create predictability
Exposure to pressure in manageable increments
Over time, the child learns that game-day intensity is not a threat it is a familiar experience.
And when the nervous system stabilizes, performance follows.
If this resonated with you, this is exactly what I break down each week in my Dear Parent of an Athlete newsletter where I go deeper into how to understand your child’s behavior, motivation, and performance through a brain-based and family systems lens.
You can subscribe on LinkedIn to receive each issue directly.
Dear Parent of an Athlete Newsletter:
Email me @ StephanieB@ThePathTpPeaceTherapy.com or call 310-991-8768.
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